I’ve been married for almost two months now and it’s great!
The Mr. and I are settling in to the exact same life we had before except now we have a piece of paper that says we’re married and our bank account is $15,000 less.
I’ve been thinking a lot about money and relationships lately.
I’m super nosy curious when I hear about other couples who manage their money in a totally different way than we do. It didn’t really occur to us to manage our money in any other way.
The point of this article is to not present one way of managing money as better or worse. It’s to present the various options that couples have when managing their money.
Seriously, every couple is different and has a method that totally works for them. No judgements here.
Should We Combine Our Money After Marriage?
We fit into this category. We combine our money completely into one joint account.
We do technically maintain individual checking accounts but they are a complete joke. Every bit of money we have is shared freely between us. If one of our individual checking accounts gets low, we ask the other to send money over.
We also do not track our spending as individuals, only collectively.
We typically talk to each other before we make big purchases but we don’t keep tabs on who spends what. He’s actually better at double checking with me than I am with him. (I’m working on it).
We track our spending as a couple with the free app, Personal Capital. All of our individual accounts are linked to one Personal Capital account so we have the total view of our finances.
Pros & Cons of Splitting vs. Combining Money
There are pros and cons of splitting vs. combining your money into joint accounts as a couple. As The Balance points out in this article, here are the pros and cons of combining your money as a couple:
Pros:
1. By combining your money, it’s more convenient for daily use.
2. You can streamline any legal affairs when you combine your money in joint accounts.
3. You have two pairs of eyes on your accounts so you can keep a better eye out for unusual spending or fraud.
Cons:
1. By combining your money, you lose some independence since your partner can always see what you’re spending money on.
2. The most obvious con is the fact that you will have different amounts of money that you’re each contributing. One of you is likely to have more savings or more debt than the other, which means this could cause some tension or arguments.
3. When you combine your money, this makes for messy legal issues if you ever break up.
Related: If you’re wondering about the ins and outs of opening a joint account, check out this article that serves as a nice introduction guide.
Will We Retire At the Same Time?
All of our retirement accounts are pooled assets as well. Some accounts are individual accounts by nature, such as IRAs, but they count as a shared total.
We would plan to retire at the exact same time (we want to retire before standard retirement age for those who are new to this blog) but my husband actually never wants to stop working because he loves his job. In some ways, I do too.
If you’re confused by this (who doesn’t want to stop working?), I am too but my husband has one of those passion jobs that are rewarding. You know, the type of job I wrote about previously as being completely overrated and a waste of time. Hey, opposites attract I guess?
In all seriousness though, I love that he has a passion job because I feel like we balance each other out.
I also find that I am choosing jobs that better align my skills and interests, which make me more interested in continuing to work in return.
I contribute 95% of our income and I have no problem with that.
(Although, if you’ve seen the Ali Wong Netflix Comedy Special “Baby Cobra” and read this article I wrote on being the female breadwinner, you’ll know how I really feel about that, LOL).
Here are some other couples who have blogged about having completely shared finances:
- Our Next Life – How Combined Finances Helped Us Get to FIRE Faster
- Club Thrifty – Separate Finances: A Recipe for Marital Disaster *This one is a sassy one! Watch out!
Should We Combine Finances Before Marriage?
We combined our finances when we were dating too.
Paying For Dates
When we first met, my husband paid for the first few dates and then we loosely traded off going forward.
We met when I was 21 and I had only been on a few dates before that (college guys = losers) so I don’t have a great gauge on what is common in that regard. When anyone did pay for my date though, I remember feeling ridiculously uncomfortable.
In fact, I still feel uncomfortable when anyone pays for anything for me. Even if its a $3 coffee – but that’s beside the point.
Paying For Rent & Mortgage Together
For the first year and a half we lived together, we split the rent 50/50, although we never kept tabs on who spent what on groceries and shopping outside of the rent.
He was the breadwinner for the first three months that we lived together. Then I switched to a job in tech and that ended quickly.
I started to pay for more things as my income grew – like vacations that I really wanted to go on but that we probably couldn’t afford if we split 50/50.
We got into this bad habit of inflating our lifestyle based upon what we could afford collectively versus what we could afford split 50/50.
If I wanted something for us, I paid for it.
When we bought our house, which was a big mistake, we needed my higher income to afford the mortgage.
It would have made way more financial sense to buy something we could afford 50/50 and I wish we did that. Think of the crazy savings we would have now!
We’re not alone in combining finances before marriage:
Couples Who Keep Their Money Separate (Sort-of)
Even though we combined finances before marriage, there are plenty of couples who keep their finances separate.
Here are a few of my favs:
- Broke Millennial – Balancing Unequal Incomes In a Relationship
- Young and Thrifty – Pros and Cons of Joint Accounts
- Half Banked via Bravely – Is What’s Mine, Yours If We’re Not Married?
All of these bloggers have some sort of way of tracking spending and figuring out shared expenses, whether it’s through google docs or real talk conversations.
Their money is still separate but they tackle the topic together.
It makes sense to keep finances separate before marriage and I’m a bit jealous because I think this approach could have helped us save more money.
Should We Keep Our Bank Accounts Separate When We’re Married?
Whenever I come across this unicorn of a couple I’m shocked.
I’m kind of in awe and I want to ask them a million questions but not be rude at the same time.
- Do you put money into one big joint pot for housing and utilities?
- What do you do when you don’t pay for things out of that pot?
- Do you do a big reconciliation at the end of the month and bill each other for what is owed?
- Do you go from snuggling to saying, “Hey, you owe me $50?”
I am fascinated.

Those who choose this approach say that keeping separate finances helps them avoid disagreements about money.
Here are some bloggers who are married who keep their finances separate, and it works for them!
- Mad Fientist – My Wife’s Thoughts on Financial Independence
- Do you have separate finances and you’re married? Let me add your post here!
Would We Like Having Separate Finances?
I already spend enough time balancing spreadsheets at work, I don’t think I would want to keep tabs on who spends what and I definitely don’t want to follow up on it.
At the same time, I can totally see how this approach would work – especially if you have different ideas about how you want to spend or save your money.
Even though we do have joint assets, sometimes the money monster in me comes out and I get this natural urge to protect my money. It’s almost like a dog protecting his food bowl in the morning.

I also get a little resentment from time to time which is only natural. I am definitely the money-hustler in the relationship.
Whenever I start feeling resentment about my hustle, I remember that my husband is just as disciplined when it comes to physical health. For example, he is at the gym right now and I just ate a 400-calorie cheese danish and haven’t worked out in two weeks. LOL, but not. #2017goals
Together, we totally balance each other out and help each other improve.
I can see how having separate finances in marriage could help avoid some of these natural feelings.
I’d Consider Separating Our Finances Again To Decrease Spending
I’ve considered separating our finances recently because I think it will help us get to our goals faster.
For example, if we can only afford a closet under the stairs a la Harry Potter when we split things 50/50, we would be forced into downsizing and would overall spend less money.
It would be kind of like those people who pay for things with cash so they avoid temptation with a credit card. We’d avoid the temptation to scale up our lives based on our collective income.
Like us on Facebook to follow us.
I don’t think we’re ready to do that where we live now though. We’d probably have to live in a van.
Another benefit of separating our finances is that I could push my husband to build out his online personal training business.
But in all fairness, this is how he motivates me to be healthier:

Now that we’ve talked about the different ways to split your finances, let’s dive into some common relationship and money questions.
Should I Pay Off My Spouse’s Debt?
Once we were engaged, I paid off my husband’s student loan debt which tallied up to $36,000. Many people don’t even believe in paying off their spouse’s student loans when they’re married so I guess it was kind of weird that I did that before we were married.
I can’t imagine a future without my awesome husband though and I wouldn’t want the money back even if we broke up (dead serious).
I’m confident I can find a way to make money in the future.
(In fact, I’m reminding myself of this every day through daily affirmation. If you’re like, “what are daily affirmations?” – check out this post which explores the latest daily affirmation craze).
Plus, I didn’t want to end up like most couples who have to start their marriage with a crazy amount of debt.

Should I Buy A House With Someone I’m Dating?
We also bought a house together before we were married which is another typical money & relationship no-no. Oops.
Turns out I’m not alone:
- She Picks Up Pennies – A Home-Buying Secret: I Bought Our House
- Emma Lincoln – How to Buy A House With Your Boyfriend
- Money Metagame – Tax Benefits for Unmarried Home-Owners
It turned out alright for us but I can see how things could get awkward real quick.
This is how we broke down the expenses:
Since I paid the downpayment and paid the majority of the mortgage each month, I deducted the interest on my taxes for the years we owned the house and were not married.
When we had roommates living with us, my husband collected the rent check. Some months, he only paid $300 towards the mortgage when I paid over $2,000.
Our incomes were very different so it was fair.
Although, I have to admit, there were times before we were engaged that I freaked out about that disparity. Especially, the longer it took him to propose (being honest here).
If we broke up, I would be at risk to lose most of the money I put into the house. Plus, what was he doing taking so long? 😉
Any time I freaked out though, I had to remind myself that I created this situation by choosing a house we couldn’t afford 50/50.
We’ve since downsized and went through a major financial wake up period where we paid off tons of debt, sold one of our cars, and increased our income.
And, we’re married now.

Should I Get a Prenup Before Marriage?
Despite all of the financial advice out there saying to get a prenup – we didn’t sign a prenup when we got married. Wow, we’re really on a roll for all of the couples money mess ups here.
To all the financial bloggers writing about prenups lately (I’ll link to you below), I’m sorry. I just didn’t see the need for a prenup – at first.
Although, I never considered the point that you might want a prenup to be able to control what happens in the event of your or your spouse’s disability, mental incapacity, lawsuit, etc..
Point noted.
Glad a post-nup is a thing that people can do nowadays. Time to research.
- I, Vigilante – Prenups and FI: Fairness Ain’t a Factor
- I, Vigilante via Physician On FIRE – She Said, He Fled. Divorce In A Fire Focused Family
- I, Vigilante – Marriage is Your Biggest Investment: Protect It!
Well that was a bit of a novel but marriage and money is a complicated topic. My feelings on it range more than a Mariah Carey song.
Readers, how do you manage your money with your partner?
- How to Make a Backyard Movie Theater with a projector screen - September 19, 2020
- HONEST Passive Income Planner Girl by Michelle Rohr course review - May 25, 2020
- 35 Pink Aesthetic Wallpapers with Quotes and Collages - May 20, 2020
Combine, combine, and combine some more. It’s what works for us. I outearn my husband, and I always will (salary schedules and I’ve been a teacher longer). But I am going to be almost totally dependent on his income and our savings during my maternity leave. And afterward because I’m going to make peanuts for the next school year (long story).
But the most important part of relationship finances is that people do what works for them. We got hassled so bad by everyone from the bank to the seller of our home when I bought it. But it’s seriously saving us A LOT in interest. Important post, friend! Thanks!
I’m so sorry they hassled you! That’s awful! Glad you figured out what works for you two and sounds like you’ll get a chance to trade roles when you’re on maternity leave.
The idea of separate seems so strange and foreign to me, probably because I grew up in a household where it was combined and they worked as a team.
It sort of makes me feel icky inside, like, am I really going to limit myself to potential matches who are my financial equal – whatever that means ? Would I really retire at say 35 if I had a wife who was still paying off student loans? It sounds so crazy to me. I think most of the examples of one person working are because one person wants to though, not because the other one is making them.
But regardless of all that, it just seems so shallow and unromantic to screen people on financials only.
It seems like what you guys do work for you, so that’s awesome. And it sounds like your husband could retire with you off the joint pot if that is what you guys both wanted for your shared life. He could totally pursue the online clients route if ya’ll ever want to go nomadic. 😀
Oh man, I’d totally love to go nomadic – at least for a little while. I have some plans up my sleeve!
TJ, your comment about the student loans is interesting.
Bit of background: We split nearly all of our expenses and always have. But the one thing that is in no way ever to be split is my student loan. I do NOT want Mrs. Vigilante to pay for my schooling, since she made the choice to stop at her fully-paid bachelor’s degree and start earning immediately. I made the choice to go to law school, not her. Sure, she benefits if I get a bigger paycheck, but so do I. If she paid my loans, it would be like penalizing her for loving/putting up with me, which is just salt on an open wound, ya know?
And, on the point of “screening people on financials only,” if I asked her to contribute to my payment, I feel like I would have been taking advantage of the fact that she didn’t screen based on that – which just makes me feel icky.
The thought never even really crossed my mind or, as far as I know, Mrs. Vigilante’s mind as to what we would do if we had enough passive income to retire but not enough for the student loan payment of $1,850 a month. We never thought about it because, absent some crazy windfall or something, we will not have sufficient passive income until years after my loans are paid off. And Mrs. Vigilante will be working at her current job until earning a certain multiplier on her pension anyway, regardless of what we save, so the possibility of the “retirement with student loans” scenario playing out is incredibly slim.
Anyway, that whole rant is just meant to say: I have no idea what I’d want to do if we were in a different situation and had the money but one of us had a private debt. Not a clue. It would be odd to retire while the other works rather than help, but then again it would basically be stay-at-home parenting, right?
Now try being single and trying to date and navigate these waters. Ugh. Makes me want to drink lol
Speaking of drinks, remind me to buy you a drink next time we see each other in person ahahaha
Drink accepted! Yeah, I can’t imagine dating with all of this stuff swirling around. Luckily(?), I was oblivious to this all when we met so I didn’t have to worry about it.
I’m not married but I do live with my GF. We sort of combine expenses. We keep track of shared expenses (i.e. groceries, gas, eating out, rent, utilities, etc.) in an excel file in Dropbox. The excel then splits everything up by category (70/30 for groceries, 50/50 for rent, etc.) and spits out who owes who at the end of the month. One of us makes about double what the other makes so we skew some of the expenses higher to the higher income earner, but not directly proportional to earnings. We didn’t want one person to feel like they were being subsidized, plus I eat at least 2x as much as she does 🙂 This works great for us, so we’ll keep doing it.
I’m in the camp of do whatever works for you. If we were to get married I’m not sure if we would completely combine. That’s TBD. But we have talked about a prenup and that definitely has about a 95% chance of happening. We both want to get things on paper while we are level headed and in love (and all that jazz). We wouldn’t obviously want to have to use it, but we all know people that got divorced that you wouldn’t imagine in a million years of happening. Thanks for sharing your story.
Oh man, my grocery budget doubled once my husband and I started living together. He eats soo much!! Glad that you guys figured out a method that works for you and good tip on using Dropbox! Technology has probably made all of this so much easier and less awkward.
“We didn’t want one person to feel like they were being subsidized, plus I eat at least 2x as much as she does.”
Funny, Mrs. Vigilante and I share grocery expenses right down the middle – because her food is always more expensive due to Celiac disease and the current gluten-free craze raising prices, but then I eat wayyyy more than her so it balances out well 🙂
“Do you go from snuggling to saying, “Hey, you owe me $50?” made me laugh! That’s such a great point. I’m all about the combining in marriage, but (ask you linked to — thanks!), I’m a separate but talk about it a lot as just living together partners. We certainly have game plans to combine in marriage and I will help him pay off his student loans at that point, but until then there’s no sharing of pin codes or passwords. We do show each other budgets/spreadsheets/real numbers now that we live together though. As for a pre-nup — that’ll be a big YES!
We continue to maintain separate accounts, as well as one joint account that covers many of our bills. It works for us as both of us are pretty independent. That said, we coordinate our finances closely and I’m the CFO. If you want to think about it in a business sense, we both control our own profit centers, and then as the CFO I look at the big picture and make decisions (with the Mrs. consent) for how we should move forward.
Oh – we also bought our house before getting married. (Of course, we’d been dating for 4 years and knew it was just a matter of time before we got engaged and then married)
Count us as fully in the combine camp. Separation would bring minimal value since we’re still on the hook for each other’s debt in this statem. I also skipped the prenuptial since we had equal assets but not income at marriage. Now that my wife is a stay at home mom I’m not even sure it would be possible to live with separate accounts.
Good to see more female finance bloggers tackling couples finance. I just got engaged (see today’s post) and can’t emphasize how important it is to be on the same page. We have not decided how/when to combine finances – slightly more complicated situation with an ex-wife and kid.
I’ve gone back and forth regarding if I will combine or separate finances when I get married.
My situation: I make about 80% more than my GF. I will be debt free in a few months, and she has about $60k in Student Loans :/. She went to top University, and she works at a good company but is underemployed for the amount she spent on school.
Right now we split our bills 50/50, and I pay for most of the meals when we go out.
Her looming Student Loans stresses me out, to be honest. She is currently making min payments because she can’t afford much more. I know once she makes more money she will pay more. However, I know when we get married I will be contributing a considerable amount of her loans which means I’ll have less to save and invest.
I’ll have to investigate “Prenups” a little more. I never really considered it before, but it might be worth it based on some of the points you made.
Yeah, quite frankly? Lack of motivation on his part / taking me for granted financially was a real thing, and led to us separating at one point. So I hear ya, and you are not the devil for just thinking about what might motivate him to take on more clients! (It’s hard to talk about these things honestly) For this reason we do a bit of a mix (closest to #3 on your list). It’s really important to me that he take some ownership over his own money and not coast. Having him more engaged with finances and trusting him to make decisions has been working. I can’t really understand people doing totally separate $ when they have kids personally, but pre kids? Totally.
This is a great post! I’ve been married for about 9 months now and my husband and I have had the same questions. Currently, we have a joint checking account so we just transfer money back and forth to split all out bills and living expenses 50/50. I doubt we’ll retire at the same time because I’d like to retire early, but I love how they’re so many different ways to manage your money as a couple and you just need to find what works best for you.
Totally! And congrats on the early retirement plan! Us too!
I loved reading this thread and thank you for sharing. Our system sounds very similar to yours. After 9 years of dating, my husband and I got married and finally combined finances. I had purchased a home 2 years before we got married, all in my name, my money down, but he split the mortgage payment with me 50/50. Now that we’re going on two years of marriage, combining our finances has been one of the best decisions we’ve made. Our financial health is much better when we are both looking at the whole picture together. We decided to do life together and this is just a part of it. However, we do both have some hobbies that we pay for with “fun money” each month. Basically, each of us gets an allowance of “fun money” transferred to our personal checking accounts each month. This money can be used for anything no questions asked. I use this money for an expensive brunch out with my girlfriends, manicures once in a blue moon and coloring my hair. My husband uses his for eating out with friends, bike accessories, and video games. But anything that’s a family priority or necessity we pay out of our joint account. Luckily, we had also both paid off our student loans and other debts before getting married too–which was a huge priority for me! That meant we started with a clean financial slate even though our incomes were very different (mine is about 2x his).
That’s great! Congrats on being the breadwinner and coming up with an awesome plan that works for you and your husband. I love the fun money idea! We need to try that!
Great post! I’m always super interested in how other couples deal with their finances and this gave me an insider’s look at lots of different scenarios (thanks for including me!)
Money can be such a weird thing in relationships and you need to figure out what works best for you, both individually and jointly. The only necessity is that there’s a certain level of communication so each party knows where they stand…it’s a serious pet peeve of mine when one person is completely in the dark about the money!
Very true – I keep reading all of these horror stories about partners kept in the dark about finances for years, only to divorce and have no idea what’s going on!
I’m getting married in September and have been thinking a lot about this lately. My situation is a little different. My fiance has three kids (and is 11 years older), so most of his income goes towards child support and outrageous health insurance. He isn’t as good as his money as I am and will usually spend instead of save.
In the three years we’ve been together he’s gone through hard times and I’ve mostly supported us. I kept track of everything in a spreadsheet and it’s over $6,000 now. I also bought a house before we met, and when I sell it in the next year of two I’m looking at about $80k in equity.
It seems odd to me to separate our money, but it just doesn’t seem fair to me either to completely combine it. I don’t want us to argue about money and I feel like if we have separate bank accounts maybe that won’t be as big of an issue. Any advice?
I think you have to figure out what works for you guys. In my situation, I wouldn’t blink an eye at $6k of help and splitting $80k in equity – because all of our finances are shared. We go with the team approach and it doesn’t work for everybody. I understand how you’re feeling though and it’s really normal to feel a little bit strange about money, even once you’re married.
For reference, my husband and I spent $2000 drafting in our postnuptial agreement. We each had to enlist an attorney and we both had to be at least somewhat on board with drafting it. I’m guessing the $2000 wouldn’t be worth it to make the $6000 yours again, but it could be worthwhile to keep the $80k in equity yours. You could always have a consultation with a lawyer and see what your options are and what they would recommend.
“It seems odd to me to separate our money, but it just doesn’t seem fair to me either to completely combine it. I don’t want us to argue about money and I feel like if we have separate bank accounts maybe that won’t be as big of an issue.” This was about my feeling and for us, the postnuptial agreement was a really great solution because my husband felt the same way. I would be careful though that if you don’t get a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, keeping separate or combined bank accounts doesn’t mean anything – your assets would still get divided up according to the state law. Also note that I am not an attorney. Good luck Brittney!
Married with separate finances here! Wife and I extended our courtship for 16 years before tying the knot, and always kept separate finances before the marriage. Also, I was far better at managing my money than she was. She racked up a considerable amount of credit card debt (and got bailed out by her dad). So I’ve always been protective of my stash. We’ve worked it out by having me direct deposit a chunk of money to her checking account that goes toward paying the mortgage; the rest goes to savings (our “Fund”), where it in turn gets invested in Vanguard Funds periodically. She pays for gas, electric, basic cable, while I pay for car expenses, all insurance, groceries. It works out fine. Neither of us has any issues with the arrangement.
Seems like you have a great system that works for you two! The idea that you don’t have to split everything 50/50 and can split up who pays what bills is great. Luckily, my husband is more frugal than I am so it rubs off on me. It must have been hard trying to manage finances with someone who is less, not more frugal.
Great post! I resonate with you in much of what you and your husband decided to do. My wife and I also want to retire in our 30s, but we’re shooting for early 40s now (had some hiccups along the way). One of the best books I read on financial independence is a book called Millionaire Fastlane by MJ DeMarco. I highly recommend it! Better than Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and Think and Grow Rich.
This was a fun update — a blog post and roundup post wrapped into one tidy package. Thank you for the link, by the way — that iVigilante writes some funny, insightful stuff.
We have always had combined finances, which is really the only way it can work in a one-income household. Like you, I invested in “us” before marriage, starting my wife’s first IRA shortly after we became engaged. No pre-nup, either. Briefly discussed it, but we were both starting with a net worth near zero, so we didn’t see any need.
Cheers!
-PoF
Well, I guess my wife and I are unicorns? That’s pretty cool, I feel very rare and… magical.
We’ve been married over a year now and still for the most part have our finances separate. We don’t have joint accounts and both pretty much track our spending separately. For joint expenses like rent and groceries we just usually have one person pay and then the other person will send over some money from their bank account.
Honestly, it’s not even that we feel strongly about doing it this way versus merging everything. I think it’s more that this is just how we’ve always done it for the years that we’ve been together and it just seemed fine to keep going.
I haven’t written about it on my site yet or I’d be happy to send you a link. I’ll definitely add it to the to-do list, though. Any questions that you’d like to see covered in particular?