The office is a tense place.
Everyone just wants to get through the week and make it to Friday afternoon.
Coworker drama can make the week feel one hundred times longer.
How to Deal with a Jealous Competitive Coworker
I’m sure these look familiar to you too.
The Coworker Who Tries to Make Me Look Bad
The Coworker Who Tries to One Up Me
The Coworker Who Tries to Sabotage Me
The Coworker Who Tries to Track My Time
Honestly, dealing with these types of coworkers is so frustrating and for a long time made me super unhappy.
Then, I figured it out!
While you can’t change a hyper competitive coworker, you can change your perspective and your actions to better handle the situation.
Here’s how.
Think Like the Boss
When your coworker is trying to compete with you or make you look bad, remember this simple fact.
Your boss doesn’t want one person to be the best and everyone else to suck.
If your boss is perceived to have a weak team, they will get dinged in their performance review.
I used to get all freaked out when a coworker was trying to make me look bad.
Now I realize that my boss doesn’t view it as a zero sum game where one person wins and the rest lose.
Our boss wins when we all win.
Train Your Coworkers
Making those around you better seems like the opposite of what you want to do to stand out, but it’s the best thing you can do.
When I was a manager, there was one person on my team who would go out of their way to help the new and more junior people.
I always saw him stopping by their desks or sitting with them at their computers, showing them how to do things.
He readily helped his peers too.
As a manager, this person made my life so much easier.
Helping Your Peers Helps You
Training is a huge problem for managers since they have limited time and outside training isn’t as effective as training with a coworker.
Most employees dislike training a new coworker though.
First, they have to take time out of their already busy day to explain things.
Second and more importantly, they see little reward in it.
They’re worried the new person is getting paid more than them or worse, they could train this person and then the boss perceives them to be better than they are!
This scarcity mentality will hold you back.
Don’t be afraid to help or train your coworkers.
Improving those around you will put you in a better position since you’re helping your boss solve one of their greatest problems.
Don’t Let Your Coworkers Fail
When I was first promoted to manager at my old job, one of the other managers seemed unsure of me.
Every Friday morning, she would send out a report but one Friday morning, I didn’t see the report go out.
I knew this was my chance to get on her good side.
Don’t Do It For the Credit, Do It For the Relationship
I created the report for her, just in case, and reached out to her via text to ask about it.
She responded that she completely forgot about the report and was super stressed that morning.
I said “Don’t worry, I created it just in case” and sent it to her.
I covered her and she was so grateful.
No one ever knew I sent the report, but she knew, and that made all the difference.
From then on, I had her back and she had mine.
Our boss rewarded us both and we were both considered top performers on the team.
Have Your Coworker’s Back and They’ll Have Yours
We’ve all been in situations where we see another coworker screw up.
Many of us have looked the other way instead of helping that person out out of jealousy or insecurity.
I was guilty of this for a long time.
Don’t let your coworkers fail.
They’ll be there for you when you need them too.
Escape the Corporate World with Early Retirement
PS – If you just can’t deal with the corporate BS, then learn about the concept of Early Retirement.
Essentially, there is a group of people who retired in their thirties by a few smart money hacks.
Related Posts:
Are you interested in early retirement?
The first step is:
Know your net worth and where you stand financially
I use the free mobile app Personal Capital to track my net worth including all my bank accounts, investments, and equity in my house.
Come up with your money saving plan
If you need ideas about How to Retire Early, considering listening to the Fire Drill Podcast.
The hosts of the podcast interview otherwise normal people who are saving money to retire early.
Create a Team Atmosphere
People like being part of a team, even though they may not say that.
Stanford researchers found that just feeling like you’re part of the team increases motivation on challenging tasks.
Here are some ways to foster a team identity and squash unhealthy competition in the office.
- Host fun events during work hours.
There is nothing more of a buzz kill than work disguised as fun.
Work events during work hours though are always a good way to bring people together.
- Invite coworkers out to lunch or coffee.
Create a culture where relationships are built and valued.
The time out of the office will be returned in spades through better teamwork and collaboration.
- Make all team meetings interactive.
No one likes boring team meetings where people sit around a table and mindlessly give status updates.
Try to make team meetings fun.
If you’re not a manager, gently suggest an idea for a team meeting to your manager.
Team meetings might be boring because they don’t have time to plan them.
(All managers have been guilty of this at some point).
- Positively reinforce teamwork.
When you see someone being a good teammate, recognize it publicly.
Positive reinforcement works wonders to keep a team happy.
- Offer to help out in a specific way.
“Let me know if you need help with anything” means nothing unless it’s specific.
It’s one of those things people just say like “how are you?”
You know what your coworkers do for the most part.
Offer to help them with something specific when you see they need it.
What to Do When Your Boss Plays Favorites
Ugh, this is the worst.
I was always the person quietly doing a good job but with a major chip on my shoulder since I was never the favorite.
I then figured out that people like other people who make them feel good and there is something about the way the popular, fake-nice people carry themselves that everyone digs.
This could be the reason why your coworker is getting all of your boss’s attention (even though you may be better at the job).
- Put Yourself in Your Boss’s Shoes
People just want interaction, talk to them!
Coaches, bosses, and teachers are people too and exchanging pleasantries goes a long way.
- Remember that there could be some HR issues going on
If it seems like the boss is letting someone leave early all the time or seems to go easier on someone, there could be a reason why.
Perhaps this person is going through a hard time at home and needs a break or they have a medical issue.
There could be some reason you’re not aware of that would explain the special attention.
Workplace Competition is Not Healthy for Anyone
An environment where you feel hyper-competitive with your coworkers is not good for you or the company.
Unhealthy competition in the workplace can lead to stress, turnover, and low performance.
Sometimes even if you try all of the approaches above, you can’t fix the problem.
One of the keys to getting ahead in your career is knowing when to find a new opportunity.
If you can’t change the culture, cut your losses and go.
If you liked this post, check out other posts in the Career Series:
Working in Your Passion is Overrated
The 5% Rule That Will Get You Promoted
Why the Mean Girls are More Popular in the Office
Have you ever dealt with jealous or overly competitive coworkers? How did you deal with it?
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That sounds … exhausting! The corporate world sounds so cutthroat – while I definitely plan to go into the private sector next for a change, it does scare me a bit. I think my workplaces have slowly been preparing me for it, as the jobs I’ve moved to are more and more close to what I think a corporate environment would be like. I’ve been reading Ask a Manager a lot, and reading a few books on being a woman in the workplace. I think the main danger for me may be that I’m generally liked and people go to bat for me but I need to learn to toot my horn, keep track of my accomplishments, and not let myself get stuck with too much nicework or gruntwork. I actually am finding myself feeling a bit competitive with a coworker right now, and am consciously trying to learn from him rather than feel threatened.
The corporate world is financially rewarding but rough! I’m hoping to work for myself eventually. Good luck with the transition!
Definitely agree that training your coworkers and having their back is key to fostering a team environment. I also think it’s good to acknowledge (either to yourself or to coworkers that you’re friendly with) that there is competition in the workforce. For me that depersonalizes it a bit. In other words, yes the person that I’m friendly with wants to get promoted as much as I do. If he or she takes above board steps to make that happen to my detriment, then that’s okay and no big deal.
The only other thing I’d add is that in your section about creating a team atmosphere, you have a lot of heavy extroverted ideas like “recognizing them publicly” or “making meetings interactive” or “hosting fun work events”. At least half of your team is probably not motivated by things like that and may even find it more difficult, so you’ll need to balance that with other ways of creating a team atmosphere.
Very true! One thing I did once was asking everyone to brainstorm what motivates them and money and snacks were high on the list! You don’t need to be extroverted for those!
I always considered an “all-star” as someone who can make his or her teammates better players. And that’s the way I approached work–especially during the last ten years of my professional life. I always tried to make my co-workers better. Maybe it was because of my age. I didn’t care about “getting ahead,” and I was perfectly comfortable with my co-workers getting all the glory. Funny thing is, while I never pounded my chest over my accomplishments, never missed an opportunity to praise my co-workers, and never failed to own my mistakes, I still got my share of bonuses and promotions. Thanks for another great post, Julie. This one should be required reading for any young person.
Thanks! Kudos to you for a successful career and for maintaining your integrity the whole time. It’s funny how early retirement changes you. I should have added that pursuing early retirement has made me less competitive!
I read your list at the top and let out an audible “UGH”. I have coworkers who watch my work and create an overall negative vibe for everyone else. One coworker took a severance package and retired early at age 52 because she couldn’t stand to be around them anymore. The team is losing a lot of valuable knowledge and gaining a lot more work since her position probably won’t get filled for a while. What goes around, comes around.
Ugh that stinks! Glad that you have the opportunity to be rid of the debbie-downers soon! Hope you get the job!
Wow this is really valuable advice. I have a problem with trust when it comes to work. I generally trust and try to help out until someone gives me a reason not to. But the thing is, I don’t really know how to recognize when someone is being untrustworthy or if I’m just taking it the wrong way. I usually take it the wrong way because I never confront the person about it but if I follow your guidance above, I don’t think I have to confront the person! (Unless it’s a really flat-out backstabbing).
Really great post, Julie, glad I read this today!
Haha exactly! When I first wrote the post I was thinking just that! There are other ways to solve the problem besides confrontation.
“Have Your Coworker’s Back and They’ll Have Yours” Love this! It’s such a great mentality to have. Honestly when everyone is looking out for each other and “the good of the team” it seems like people are happier and the work that is produced is always higher quality. I’ve seen a team that is in an opposite mindset and consistently the work products have been poor and people are constantly upset at each other.
Yeah happy people produce good work! Seems so simple but so many teams get it so wrong.
I’ve been pretty lucky because in my limited work experience, all the colleagues have been pretty nice to me so far. So I am a little bit afraid, if I were to actually meet a jealous coworker, I might not actually know what to do. But I guess this is just me thinking too much. Just treat others how you would wish to be treated and I’m sure I’ll be fine!
You’re very lucky to have had all positive experiences! Great advice to treat others how you wish to be treated – totally agree!
Great post, I think sometimes it’s easy to take things personal in the workforce. Maybe sometimes it is personal and sometimes it’s just in your head haha.
“Don’t Do It For the Credit”–I think that’s a great tip. I’ve learned that if you don’t care about the credit and just focus about getting work done, things become a lot easier. I’ll have to refer back to this post when I get angry at someone in the office again 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I’ve worked with my fair share of difficult personalities both internally and on the client side. It takes a heck of a lot of patience not to lose your cool in front of other people!
I only have broken down at work on a few occasions and typically I was able to get myself out of the office until I felt better! Keeping composure is harder than it looks!
Ahhhh, all the FUN stuff I do not miss! Oh man… 50% of work is working with nice people.
Atleast 50% of surviving the work day is!
This what I was really scared of when I got promoted to our departments team leader. I really felt my relationship with some of my work friends kind of deteriorate a bit. Chatting in the office was really different. What worked for me is one of what you mentioned here, let them help. I showed them i’m still the teammate they had before. I delegated tasks equally and made them feel comfortable about me giving out orders.